Friday, 27 March 2015

Single Living week 2

I am E X H A U S T E D.

Luckily for me I have a paid week off. This is how I feel:

Must add the video:
(Credits to Frozen: Walt Disney).

Now, since I have discovered the cost for a divorce and for a solicitor's service.  I am obliged to post - pone the setting up a home idea until it is all settled and finalized. It won't be that much anyway, it will be a couple of hard months and then it will be time to pay for tuition for little G's education... and uniforms (oh joy!). 

Once all protection is set I will be able to relax and enjoy life knowing that certain ex cant come and help himself while I am at work for stuff little G needs just cause the guy is too lazy to wash his own dishes every day. I mean, for God's sake! You double my wage, provide no child support and I also need to contribute for my son's needs in both the dad's and my own house??  Talk about a selfish cheek!... 

Dear Karma.. 

where the hell are you??? I need to point you at the right direction! 
Cause I truly believed  you missed someone over here!

Slight distraction from my troubles, this week I had a new shock: A plane fell just a few kilometres away from my uncle's house in Digne les Bains.  My mothers' family hometownIt has been a horrible tragedy to say the least. I really feel for my loved ones in France and all of  the family victims. 

I need a "limpia" (a mexican spiritual cleanse), a ritual to wash away all bad luck and open channels for renewed energy.

Le clochet à Digne Les Bains.
Le Musée de la Vallée à Barcelonnette.
Chemin à Barles.

In other news, since people have learnt I am single I have gotten more attention than I had expected. 

At first I thought it would probably be a good idea to get something like Socializing for dummies when I froze in panic the moment a cute guy started talking to me... just like that... out of the blue. 

I didn't say anything. I just stood there feeling like a 13 year old. My thoughts ran like the following: "Is he talking to me? Oh God, what did he just say? I was not paying attention... Ok so.. just say something back, anything.. whatever.. The weather is normally a socially accepted topic of conversation... time is clicking, it is getting awkward... it is now a very uncomfortable silence..  " 

So what did I do? Nothing. And I said nothing. I was never good at this and I have been way out of practice. So.. whoopsy?

However, I felt better a day later after someone else told me the worst pick up line ever (someone needs that guide more than I do!!):  "Do you know what my favourite meal is?: Vegetarians mmm...." 

Shame to say it took me a while to understand what the intention was and what he meant. 

Sooooo out of practice. 

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Single living week 1

Must say it has gone quite quickly.

With the company of many friends I have been visiting all sorts of shops to completely change the ambiance of the loft. My lovely comrades have been very helpful. 
The problem is:  I don't think I know what I want... or what would go together (please insert frustration smiley here). 

Next week I will have a week off (Oh God! Yes!). Which I plan to spend ruining redecorating the entire place. These are some of the ideas I have got so far:

Green for the bedroom., some fabrics to separate rooms and some vintage style kitchen.

Blue living room, L shape sofa and a wardrobe instead of built - in closets.

Besides that I have been busy with all sorts of legal procedures in order to ensure what is best for little G and myself. We need to be legally protected.

I have been recommended to follow Dharmesh, who is a very wise man. If you are a spanish speaker I seriously advice you to check his stuff here. It has kept me at my zen most of the time... except when I was aggressively contacted by the ex. I am guessing it will be a current thing until he moves on or until I am finally granted divorced (and would kinda like a restraining order. Just for my peace of mind). 

He really made me angry. Out of the blue, even when we had agreed not to contact each other no matter what, he came with accusations of something he had missed placed himself! (please add another frustrated smiley here). Naturally it was accompanied with insults. I was livid. 

Don't you just hate it when someone surprises you with aggressions and you respond okeyish but then like 20 minutes later (or 2 days later) you think of what you should have said?? The perfect response comes way too late.

Worst part is that once you start thinking negatively it all builds up and like a falling snowball it gets bigger and bigger and gets out of control.  It is a lot harder to get back to your zen zone.  I should buy a punching bag.


It seems like wanting a divorce and looking after the needs of my son and myself is hypocrisy and apparently is harsh not to care for the future of someone who will not be in yours. 

But of course, it is not harsh to be kicked out of the house with insults, threats and shouts for all the neighbours to hear on mothers day.  It is absolutely acceptable for my 70 year old diabetic father to move the furniture by himself while he chats on facebook (and that is considering that my father has lent and continues to lend him music equipment, cars, and has not billed him for all his accidents nor the free accommodation, he enjoyed for over two years).

Even though we are allegedly remaining good friends. It's cool to be nasty as long as it comes directed my way. Well I don't know what weird - twisted idea of friendship that is but mine includes respect and care. And if you don't have that, you have nothing at all.

Now THAT is what I should have said! (there.. peace now...). 
Unfortunately; all of my statements come from reasoning, which is exactly what you can't do with someone who is going through a manic episode. There is no reason nor any morals.

So just something to remember by...

Saturday, 21 March 2015

A massive change of plans.

There is only one way to face your own fears., and that is to face them.

Hay solamente una manera de afrontar tus miedos., y eso es afrontándolos.

A dear friend of mine once told me that his biggest fear was to have no money. So he gave all his possessions away in order to free himself from his worries. "And everything was O.K." he said.  "No way I am ever doing anything like that" I thought. But life can be cheeky.  I am learning that there are many things you can try to do., but overall you have no control whatsoever in what comes your way.

Un buen amigo mío, en alguna ocasión me dijo que su mayor miedo era no tener dinero. Así que se deshizo de todas sus posesiones para liberarse de sus preocupaciones. "Y todo estuvo bien" dijo.  "En mi vida haría algo semejante" pensé.  Pero la vida tiene su sentido del humor. Estoy aprendiendo que hay muchas cosas que uno puede intentar llevar acabo., pero a final de cuentas, uno no tiene ningún control en lo que viene a tu camino. 

I was always terrified of being completely on my own. As it turns out, life is giving me not a push but more like a shove to deal with what I dread the most. Only it is not just about me who I have to stand for but for my two year old as well.

Siempre he temido estar bajo mi completa responsabilidad. Ahora, la vida no solamente me da un empujón, sino más bien una aventada a lo que más me causaba terror. Lo único es que no soy yo la única de la que tengo que tomar obligación, sino también mi pequeño de dos años. 

Life changed dramatically for me over the past few weeks., but more so over the last week when both my son and I were kicked out of our home with verbal abuse and emotional violence. All because of a younger tail... a student of his... the wife and the kid turned to be a nuisance... cliché much? It has happened in my family for generations, so surely, I shouldn't be surprised it also happened to me. My son and I are on our own. I am financially terrified. 

La vida ha cambiado drásticamente para mí en las últimas semanas., pero más en ésta última semana, cuando mi hijo y yo fuimos corridos de nuestra casa con abuso verbal y violencia emocional. Todo por una chica más joven, una alumna de quien pronto será mi ex - marido. La esposa y el hijo resultaron un fastidio... ¿Siguiendo mucho el estereotipo? Ha pasado en tantas ocasiones en mi familia y en tantas generaciones, que no debería sorprenderme el hecho de que también me sucediera a mí. Mi hijo y yo estamos solos. Estoy aterrorizada financieramente. 

I won't go into details, but since life has taken such a turn so will everything around me., including this blog.  It will be my outlet and I will write about what I know and that will be about what life is as a single mother (with the usual photos and my regular rants).

No voy a entrar en lujo de detalles, pero partiendo de que la vida ha cambiado tan súbitamente a mi alrededor, todo en mi vida ha de modificarse con ello, incluyendo este blog. Será mi desahogue y escribiré sobre lo que conozco, y eso es lo que la vida es como una mamá soltera (con sus fotos usuales y mis ocasionales despotriques. 

People around me have been incredibly supportive, all my family and friends from both sides of the Atlantic as well as my university students have been nothing but loving and I am incredibly grateful. So thank you all for the hugs, the kind words, the company and the meals! I am really, really lucky to have you all in my life.

La gente a mi alrededor ha sido un apoyo increíble, mi familia y amigos de ambos lados del Atlántico, así como mis alumnos de universidad han sido amorosos y estoy increíblemente agradecida con ellos. Gracias por todos sus abrazos, sus dulces palabras, la compañía y los alimentos. Soy muy, pero muy afortunada de tenerlos a todos en mi vida.  

Amongst my many concerns, there is also my weight, which I seem to have lost at an incredible speed over the past week or so. I am, none the less following psychological treatment. Hopefully I can solve all my sadness, the anger and eventually forgiveness., none other than for my own sake. I do not want to carry that with me. Both my son and I need to free ourselves from the wreckage to live a happy and peaceful life. It won't be easy, but time is always kind and wise.

Entre mis muchas preocupaciones, está mi peso., el cual parece desaparecer a una velocidad impactante desde la semana pasada. Estoy, no obstante, siguiendo tratamiento psicológico. Espero poder resolver todas mis tristezas, corajes y eventualmente trabajar con el perdón., por nadie más que por mi misma. Yo no quiero cargar con eso. Tanto mi hijo como yo necesitamos liberarnos del daño para vivir una vida placentera y pacífica. No será fácil., pero el tiempo siempre es amable y sabio. 

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Street Photography: Les Alpes de Haute Provence, France.

Over the years my priorities have changed. When I was younger, cities like New York, London or Paris used to be a must place to live in. The busy lifestyle, the multiple choices to see and visit where highly important.

Not anymore. 

There are many wonderful places and those cities are truly great... but hand to my heart: This beautiful region between the Alpes and Provence is perfect. It is a very special place to me as it is the land of my mother's family. Of course, more than likely I am very bias but there you go. Nowadays I go for simple, quiet and easy living.

Photography by: 
Luisa Pascalis Lifestyle & Fine Art Photography

Monday, 5 January 2015

What is your attitude towards new years resolution?

It would seem like there are two kinds of human beings when it comes to new year's resolutions and everything related to promises - commitments that each individual may hold for the upcoming year.

We have got, on one side: the sceptic and on the other hand, we've got the lovers of new beginnings (regardless of whether they are the kind who stay true to their resolutions or not).

Of course, there won't be much of a real change if one needs to wait for the first of january to finally and decisively change one's life. It will make as much difference as if one constantly waits for next monday to go on a diet. Real change and real commitment can happen any time of year.

Real change take time, discipline, clear goals and a lot of hard work. Breaking old habits has never been easy, none the less, it is not impossible. Once you change the way you think and your lifestyle, everything simply flows naturally. 

Something like the usual nutrionist advice: it is far better to lose weight slower, than doing it at great speed. The "Yo - Yo diets" are simply a consequence of not allowing our own  "body intelligence  - corporeal memory" set on the new changes. 

Now, it is impossible to deny that natural cycles exist; and they manifest with different intensities. It is wise to be sensitive to these changes so we can flow with them (instead of against them thus creating ourselves a good deal of troubles). 

My geeky  side finds sense like this: Once upon a time there only used to be 10 months in the calendar (let it be said "december" has its name for the latin "decem" which relates to the tenth month; "november" to the ninth, etc...). The missing months to what is today our gregorian calendar, did not exist. 

Winter was a time of year to retire; there would be no crops and it was pretty much "dead". Winter is a time for preparation for spring, when everything goes back to life and the cycle of life starts all over again and renews itself.  

So why not renewing and starting all over again ourselves? 

Sunday, 21 December 2014

Fashion for your young ones. Dior/ United Colors of Benetton

Probably one of the things that excites the most to any mother (or a mother to be) is dressing up their little ones. Its a natural woman thing I am sure, after all, how many hours did we not spend prettying up Barbie,  The Magic Nurserie, My little ponnie or The Cabbage Patch? Plus, let's face it: Baby clothes are soooo cute!

Now I am aware that, like in everything else, there is a massive corporation industry of fashion that, like all business; markets to families creating false ideals and promoting certain values for us to have the need of buying certain item instead of another one.

I could go further and say that children are being victimized and making them worry about their personal image from a very young age with the usual "children are less and less allowed to be children nowadays" speech.  But I don't want to be boring, whilst it may all be true, the only thing we can do is to smarten up and become mature shoppers.

And that is the point. There is nothing evil about the topic nor its marketing, regardless of what others may think, it is part of our responsibility as parents to teach our children how to dress properly and shop smartly. We take decisions for them when they are young and personal image is very important no matter the age. 

What I mean about personal image being important, I mean it in a sense of  well being and comfort that you feel yourself and project to others; not as what others may see - interpret from the clothes you wear. Fashion to me, is a personal statement. Not a social one. 

Dolce Gabbana/

But what to get? 

Each family will have their own beliefs about what is correct and what is absolutely a no - no. And in my opinion, is very respectable (and in many cases they are not entirely out of line) in putting some couture rules e.g: children's clothes should not be sexualized at all. Tank tops are not made for little girls. Little girls simply do not have the proper filling to wear the dress as it was designed for. (AND there are a lot of predators out there dressed in sheep's clothing). 

Dolce Gabbana/ Massimo Dutti

My 7 criteria for dressing our little one is like this:
(That is, our little boy).

1. No style imposition. Our little one is not our mini me version. He is his unique self.

2. Go for neutral. Basic colours are easy to match and they always look good. 

3. Go for classics. You can never go wrong with a good pair of jeans, some courdoroys and even a bright coloured pair of converse.

4. Sense of humour yes, but with tact. A slightly cheeky design is cool, but it is all in the subtleties. You don't exactly want to use your kid as a "cool" prank with some embarrassing comment like: "All my mamma wanted was a back massage".
(though is really funny!)

5. No characters, super heroes or too bright tops. They are distractors and, personally, I find them to be a bit invasive. Call me crazy, but I don't like my kid being a publicity billboard.

6. Go for safety. No funny cords, lights, buttons or any other weird accessories that may seem cool but hasn't really been thought through (and may put in risk the child's safety).

7. Go for comfort. Think design, sensible fabrics, practical buttons and zippers.

It is all a great experience: dressing my little one is fun and I can see that he enjoys it too. He notices new outfits, he has certain colour preferences and pays attention to details in his clothing. Particularly sleeves (?). 

He loves his slippers. He hates globes. Socks are O.K. but not for sleeping. And like all young children, loves to find himself running naked around the house (oh future evidence that may be used as blackmail one day.. ho ho ho!)

I love my little one so much!

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

And so another one will be leaving us soon..

Another year, another compound of memories and experiences. 
So many things happened this 2014, varying from degrees of challenges and  intensities.  

I believe in making them noticeable, and by that I probably mean readable. It is incredibly easy to forget what we have accomplished when we are down, even the little details that at some point really matter seem to scatter away when we need them most.

 And so, in order to learn something valuable or to be thankful for what we have received, I believe in having a "closure" for a new and brighter beginning.

This year I faced some fears (still some more to be tackled) and let me tell you something: It is not easy to even notice when you are being a victim of your own fears. So I started trying to figure out the reasons of my own "No ways" as  "Is there a genuine good reason not to be/ do/ go/ say something about X?" A lot of times it all went back to: "Well I genuinely thought/ was once told that..."  and the answer had no real foundation.

So I rethought them all over again and nothing is truer than this: parents and the immediate society play an incredibly important roll in a child's life. It sounds obvious, I know, but just like a baby learns his/ her mother tongue, he/ she also acquires a way of thinking and looking at the world. Now, learning a language is a serious and challenging task at times. Learning a new way to think and live is even harder because undeniably we are bound to be left with nothing but ourselves.

This past year I tried an experiment: I committed myself to say YES to whatever life brought.  There were many times I didn't want to engage but I stayed truthful to my word and... it really wasn't that bad. So it is true what they say: after all, if you do not try new methods, then how to expect interesting results? And like Emma Watson said on her gender equality speech. If not you... who? if not now... when?

What I take of

And never, ever mix them up. They are three very important points on a healthy balanced state of mind, body and soul. The perfect triangle. Keep things sacred and give them each the proper care.  Is probably one the most important lessons I am taking from 2014.

They certainly can't be bought. I know some of them are more than obvious. But particularly numbers: 4, 5 and 9 speak to my heart as often enough I am drowned by the feeling of not belonging and it breaks me. Don't they seem to you as they are almost non - existent?

I am learning acceptance, (not quite there yet..) inspired by a quote from Wes Anderson's Hotel Budapest film when Zero is asked to describe M. Gustave:

Bottom line:

Life is hard and there is no way around it. There are easier routes but they never really take you anywhere. E.g.: If you want to be fit, you have to put on the effort. The satisfaction of your results is only yours. The real change is the lesson. The quick fix is the fastest way back to the point of origin.

There is only one life, so it is our responsibility to live it fully and well. Stay true to yourself. Be genuine. Remain authentic. Accept your shortcomings and don't justify them. Embrace your mistakes, learn the lessons and move on. It is not about the fall, it is always about the way you recover from the fall. So do it gracefully.



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